The Foolishness of Friendship

"If you sleep with dogs, you are going to get fleas," so a Southern proverb tells us. I don't care to know whether it's true or not. Not that I'm not a dog lover. I am. I just don't love fleas. Solomon, the powerful and rich king wrote many sayings in a book called Proverbs. Real, concrete, practical sayings. You should check them out. He puts the same truth about dogs and fleas in different words. He writes in Proverbs 13:20 these words: "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." Did you get that? Those who walk with wise people become wise. Those who hang with foolish people will not just become fools, but they will experience bad things.

What's the difference between a fool and a wise person? The answer is found in the contrasting way that each person responds to the circumstances in their lives. Paul, in his letter to the Romans clarified that it is in our God-given nature to know right and wrong (see Romans 2:12-16). This is why when we do wrong our conscience is conflicted. Yes, our conscience is sharpened by those who nurture us. It is not something that is nurtured into us, though; it is something that is already in us and formed and refined along the way. Because both the fool and the wise person know the difference between right and wrong, it is how they respond to doing right and wrong that defines what camp they fall into. The wise person, unlike the foolish one, does the right thing even when it's hard. Even when he will be criticized, ridiculed and rejected. Yes, even when his reputation, good standing and personal interests may be lost, he still chooses to do the right thing. Should I stand up for the kid in the hallway that some "tough guys" are pushing around. Yes. Yes, because it goes beyond one's personal interests; what can be gained personally. Yes, because it is about doing the right thing, regardless of the physical, emotional and relational consequences. Yes, because there is something much deeper at stake. God's love is expressed from us to him and to others when we choose to do the right thing, especially when its hard! Is it about getting brownie points with God? No. Is it about feeling better about ourselves? No. Is it about thinking we are better than others? No. It's about our love for Jesus and the people who bear his image. It's about showing the world that we are loved and that we love them because we are confident that the same God that loves us loves them with reckless abandon. Doing right expresses that we will go to any length to demonstrate God's kindness, graciousness and humility to others, even when it costs us everything.

The fool, although he knows right and wrong, chooses to do the wrong thing simply because he doesn't care about, or consider the costs of, the consequences of his poor decisions.When we spend our time and look to these types of people as the source of our inspiration and direction for life, we ultimately begin to emulate them. Not only that, we begin to suffer the same bad things that they do. Broken relationships. Addiction. Loneliness. Meaninglessness. Short-sightedness. Depression. Anxiety. Yes, there is the short-term reward of uninhibited sex, ingesting alcohol or a drug, of looking at pornographic images, reading erotic fiction, eating the fourth and fifth donuts, rejecting others to fit in with friends or you fill-in-the-blank. Yes, it feels good. For a second, maybe minutes or hours. And, yes, there will be, whether we perceive them or not, long-term negative repercussions of doing the wrong things over and over and over. We will begin to spend time with fools. We will become a fool. And we will suffer harm. It's a bad promise, but a promise nonetheless. Doesn't matter whether you are a follower of Christ or not the principle still holds true.

The bottom line is this: we become like those we spend time with. I hear the protestations already. What about those who don't know Jesus, should I not spend time with them? Just the opposite! We should be highly invested in relationships with people smarter, wiser and more experienced than us. People that make us wise as serpents and innocent as doves. People that are instruments in the Spirit's hands of our own transformation. Then we can walk with others on their own journey of transformation. That's the hope! We don't have to become fools and suffer unnecessary harm. We can become more discerning and make better decisions. We can help others to move toward the same thing. We can become wise. We can walk with others in their journey of becoming wise. Wise to what? Wise for living and relating with the God that Jesus knew. The God who is smarter than all of us. The God who makes us smarter through his Spirit, through his people. The God who loves when we do right, for the sole purpose of demonstrating his love to people.

How Do I Make This A Reality in My Own Life

1. Pray and discern who is already in your life who can move you toward making more right, than wrong, decisions.
2. Pray for courage to ask this person to consider "mentoring" you.
3. Make the ask and follow-through with meeting with this mentor.
4. Define the relationship with the mentor in the first meeting and on a regular basis.
5. Mentor someone else. You don't have to be perfect just on the journey!
6. If the mentoring relationship doesn't work. Try again, until one does. 

Much grace to you,

Josh